Talking To Strangers - Baggage Claim: Reclaiming Yourself

When I wrote the last blog post in the series, I was prepared to make that the final post in the series. As I reflected on this blog series, I asked myself - what now? What happens after a good or bad conversation.

When we get our luggage the way we want it, we are happy. We are ecstatic when things go our way, or better than expected. In the end of the day we can look back after all the walking, headaches, people, and still call it a good day.

The end of a good conversation, especially a spiritual one, despite the time and effort generated, in the end was a good idea. Things went well, and for the most part everyone is happy. Everyone comes away being a better person than when they started and the work was worth it. Maybe information was exchanged and the parties involved wanted to continue the conversation at a later date. If you promised to get information or send something to the other person, get it out A.S.A.P.. The longer you wait, easier it is that one of you has forgotten about it.

Even more amazing is when a person receives Christ, then we also have the opportunity, privilege, and duty to disciple them and watch them grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. To bring them along side you and pass the baton in the race we are running. 

But what happens when things don't go the way we planned it. Very few things make our hearts sink into our chests than to see an empty airport luggage carousel in baggage claim and our bag(s) not on it. It's the same feeling when the spiritual conversation didn't go as planned. Maybe the other person got mad, or even hostile towards you. Maybe things were said and done to make you cringe, or worse take the wind out of your sails. Your body tenses up and you think to yourself, "It's going to be a long time for me to do that again." Don't worry, we all go through that in one form or another. But what can we do about it.

Sometimes we need to take some time and catch our breath after we have a bad conversation. Even if we are passing out tracts and have a stack in hand, you may just need to take a few minutes and regroup. Take a few deep breaths and reassess the situation. I had many moments when I just needed a quiet space to pray and refocus after bad witnessing encounters. It drains your energy and you feel depleted emotionally and spiritually.

Through the years I've had some really emotional times when I've been sharing my faith. I have had people turn their backs on me; some completely walking away. I've had people get really mad at me for the stance I took and the beliefs I hold. I've even shed tears when I see sin in it's true form. One of the reasons I don't go to gay pride parades to share Jesus is because it's too emotional for me. I see where the world is going, and I just find the nearest alley, weep, and pray. It may seem cliche, but the world really rejects Jesus and not us. Even He had to take time away from the crowds. He was 100% God, but also 100% human. Jesus shared the truth with the rich, young ruler. Despite him walking away, Jesus still loved him. (Mark 10:21-22) That had to cut the Lord. But even through personally witnessing His miracles, His teachings and His love, people still rejected Him. The Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes rejected Him. Pontus Pilate rejected Him. (John 18:37, 38) If they rejected the Master, what do you think they would do with the servants? (Matthew 10:25)

You may think I look at the glass half empty. I do. Because if I set my expectations really low, they only can get better. Weird...maybe? But I hardly get disappointed. 

But in all seriousness, after a hard conversation, take some time for you. Go somewhere and pray. Get a cookie. Do something for yourself. No harm in that. But most importantly, keep going. Don't stop. Don't let these minor setbacks keep you from sharing your faith. You are a child of the King. Own it. 

Talking To Strangers - Landing

Like I said in the beginning of this series is that the takeoff and landing are the hardest parts of the conversation.

When leaving a spiritual conversation, it is important to leave the person with something to think about. Tracts are not only great for opening up a spiritual conversation but also ending one. It gives the person who is reading it to remind them of things that were mentioned in the talk. It can also spark interest into a different topic as well. You can leave a wide variety of things with the person you are talking to. It can be a saying that is easy to remember; or something tangible like a tract, gospel of John or a bible.

Be sure to leave your contact info on the gift you are giving away. This will help the person get in touch with you if he or she has any added questions they would like to ask. If they do have questions that you cannot answer at the time of your departure, simply write it down and get back with them at the very latest two days later. I personally try to get back with people within 24 hours. This gives you ample time to find the answer, and them time hasn't gone by to forget the question. When it comes to the info, I'm not a fan of using my last name, even when it comes to an email. Today people can look you up and where you live regardless of what information you gave them. I personally don't like to give my phone number unless I get their number as well so I can put it in my phone. Because chances are that if a phone number comes up that I do not recognize, I will not answer it. When I am on the street, I always give my email address honest_answers@msn.com. It doesn't have my name at all, but easy enough to remember if it is accidentally lost. I love having a type of business card on me with my first name, email, and a design, saying, or verses to go along with it. There are so many printing companies to choose from when picking out the right card for you. Some of whom I have used are Vista Print, MOO and 48 Hour Print.

When leaving a conversation be sure to look the person in the eye and offer a nice, firm handshake. If the conversation didn't go as well simply apologize if you seemed rude or insensitive and exit gracefully. If you need to go, and time is of the essence, to give yourself an exit just say, "I hate to cut this short, but I am going to be needing to go in 10 minutes. I can answer just one more question. But if you have any more, here is my card." This way when you say goodbye, the other person won't take it as being abrupt. He or she already knew you had to go, and when that would be.

Parting is such sweet sorrow, but there will be many opportunities, and strangers, to strike up conversations with. Just simply be friendly and open to having one. Better to spend the day with someone new and interesting, than to claw through Facebook all day.

Talking To Strangers - Switching To The Spiritual

Now that you have some tools to get the conversation started and moving, it is now time to switch the topic of conversation to a more spiritual one. The purpose of this series is to get people motivated enough to talk to strangers so that we can now begin to share the gospel with them. Because like I've always said, your largest sphere of influence will always be people you don't know. Whether the waitress at the diner, a tow truck driver, person close to you at the coffee shop or someone you met at a gathering; all are strangers to you.

This is the most difficult part of the conversation. It takes great courage and trust in the Lord to transition from the natural to the spiritual. It also takes some patience because once you open up the topic, you can pretty much tell where the other person stands when it comes to the things of God.

Climbing The Ladder

The way I usually get into a spiritual conversation is by a tactic I call, "climbing the ladder". As you are in the conversation it is typical to have questions asked and answered. For each question that is asked you are moving up the proverbial ladder one rung at a time. When you find that one rung in which you can transition to the spiritual, just highlight what was asked, and then use it to make the transition. That question is the top of the ladder. Here is a sample scenario:

You:         "This is some band. They're really good, huh?"
Stranger:  "Yeah, I've followed them for a while. They used to play where I'm from."
You:         "Where's that?"
Stranger:  "New Brunswick, NJ."
You:         "Wow, that's a long way? What brought you all the way out here?"
Stranger:  "School. I'm a Biology Major with a minor in Chemistry at ISU."
You:         "Wow, that's gotta be tough. It's so amazing how the human body works. How it repairs itself, how the heart is a pump that never needs to be primed, cleaned or lubricated.  Its so fascinating."
Stranger:  "Evolution is fascinating." [The rung you hold on to]

[Your possible transition questions] 

"I'm just curious...how did you come to that conclusion?"
"Evolution? How so..."
"What do you mean by 'evolution'?"
"How do you know that?"
"Can you tell me more about that; evolution?"
"Have you always felt this way? If not, what changed your mind?"

By climbing the ladder you are not asking loaded questions to the person you are talking to, but allowing them to naturally step into the conversation on their own. It's a lot like an animal stepping into a snare. They get their foot stuck and now hard to get out of; they are the ones that brought the topic up, not you.

Gospel Tracts

When time is of the essence, gospel tracts can be used to break the ice into a spiritual conversation relatively quick. In this fast-paced world we live in, people are coming and going, not settling down, and if they do, they are on their phone checking email or Facebook. Gospel tracts don't mess around. They get to the point and have the person thinking something spiritual in seconds.

My favorite ice-breaker is the Washington Million Dollar Bill and the Franklin Million Dollar Bill; both by Tract Planet. What I like about all the tracts from Tract Planet, more than Living Waters, is that each one has a QR code on the back that takes the person to a YouTube video that shares the entire gospel. So in the event that the person takes it home and forgets the details of the conversation, they can be quickly and gently reminded on their own time. This way at the end of the conversation you can point out the code and the website so they can reference it later.

Approaching people on the street with the million dollar bill is very easy. I just take it in my hand, look them in the eye and say, "Did you get one of these? It's a million-dollar bill with the million-dollar question on the back. 'If you were to die to day and stand before God, why should He allow you into heaven'?" It propels you right into a spiritual conversation in the speed of thought. You can also ask other intro questions:

"Are you good enough to go to heaven?"

"Are you ready to meet your creator?" [Funny story is that someone called the cops on me once thinking I meant NOW, and I was going to help them out. That was a 20 minute yuk-yuk with the police]. 

"If you were to die today and stand before God, would you be ready?"

There are many ways you can phrase this introduction question that would be not only intriguing, but alarming.

The cool thing about gospel tracts also is that they are a great closer, when the conversation is over. It leaves the person with a gift, and something tangible they can quickly reference. For an exhaustive list of reasons and ways to use gospel tracts CLICK HERE on another website I co-author with my friend Paul.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me by email. I would love to answer any of them, and help you to share your faith easier. 

Talking To Strangers - Cruising Altitude

As I stated in the last article, the beginning and ending of a conversation are much like takeoff and landings in an airplane; the most difficult moments. We want to talk to someone and what happens? We get very nervous, start to sweat, get tongue-tied and before we know it we've chickened out again. But let's say we actually start a conversation; we've used the A.R.E. method, but things seem to slip. What do we do when we are starting to lose things to talk about or need a springboard from which to keep the conversation going. Here is something I use - the FORM method.

No matter what conversation I am in, if I use this tactic I can easily ask one of the FORM questions and think about what I will say next. This gives me ample time to get my thoughts, and nerves, together and get back on track with the dialogue. FORM is an easy-to-remember acronym of the basic categories of questions you will ask: Family, Occupation, Recreation and/or Motivation.

Family - Who Are You With?

Just about every person on the planet has family somewhere. At one point we all had a mother and a father; we had to been born from someone. Even Jesus, the Son of God, had to come in human form through Mary. Even though Joseph was not related to Him, the bible speaks of Jesus' lineage through Josephs - the line of David (Matthew 1:1). 

While men are usually asked, "What do you do"; women are usually asked, "Who are you with?" This is meant to ask about her husband or children. Using family as a springboard can spark many questions in relation to: family members, vacations, funny stories, things everyone is doing, school, etc. Just thinking about the funny moments in my family and the things I have done as a youth makes me smile; prompts me to be talkative.

Occupation - What Do You Do?

As I stated in the previous section, men are usually asked, "What do you do?" Men are...well, mostly...the breadwinners. Their status in the world comes from their job or position. This can spark a great deal of conversation, and you can get a rough sketch of the person you are talking with. 

But let's say that you are talking with a person who has lost their job and not employed at the moment. Have no fear, there are many reasons for that. It's best to read body language and facial cues to see if this is a sore subject, or one that strikes up a lengthy dialogue. If it is, just politely back away from the question. Say something like, "I'm sorry, I can see that this might be a sensitive topic for you...?" Then quickly move on to another FORM category. Personally, occupation has always been a sore topic for me. At the moment I have a part time job traveling locally doing very unpleasant things for people needing my services [nope, not gonna tell you what I do. At least not here.] But as I work I spend a majority of  my time praying for each house I go to, the nation, other countries; not to mention listening to podcasts, etc. Plus I get to minister to my boss who is a self-proclaimed left-wing Atheist. Even though I usually don't like telling people what I do, I will follow up with what it allows me to accomplish for God's kingdom. And that is what I love to talk about. 

Recreation - What Do You Like?

So maybe talking about family or your job isn't your thing; which usually the questions gets turned onto us. You may want to consider talking about what you do like. 

Everybody likes something. Whether its a hobby, what people read, a sports team or playing sports...there is always something to talk about in this category. The great thing about this category is that you will probably get more interesting answers than the other categories. Most of the time I'd rather start here. 

You can tell alot about the free time of individuals and what they do. I had a very lengthy conversation with my wife's Uncle who makes handmade pens out of wood in his shop. I was so intrigued by his hobby that I just had to know more about it. This then led to more fascinating dialogue about politics and church; you know, the two topics people normally avoid. To see his eyes light up when I genuinely wanted to know more about his hobby, was worth every minute to me. It genuinely shows that I care about the small details about the person themselves. 

Motivation - What Drives You?

Even though this is probably the most difficult category to draw questions from, it is not impossible. People are motivated by different things. Sometimes bad, but sometimes good. To use this question, you need look at the person and think to yourself, "Has he or she achieved something in their life to be motivated towards?" Maybe you notice the person you are talking to is really fit. You can ask something like, "I noticed that you are really fit. I can't seem to be motivated in that area. How do you do it?" When you put it together like that you not only build up the person's ego a little and their hard work shows, but also touch their intellectual side and want to learn from them as well. 

Look at a person and ponder if he or she has excelled in a certain area. Maybe they have a degree, wrote a book or even play a sport that seems difficult. Whatever it is that they accomplished, ask them how they did it. You will be amazed at the answers you get. 

So, the next time you get into a conversation with someone and find yourself in an uncomfortable pause, use the FORM method of keeping the conversation going. It will be very helpful as you engage strangers in all situations.