Why "Treat Others The Way You Would Want To Be Treated" Is Not Sound Advice.

Last weekend I had the blessing of attending  being at the Calvary Chapel Des Moines Men's Retreat this year at Hidden Acres Retreat Center located in Dayton, IA. It was a great time with the guys from my church. We took a look at some of the questions Jesus asked and also spent time in the Word, prayer, and playing games like volleyball and basketball. This year's focus was on how to build relationships between us brothers in the body of Christ, and that was my main reflection on this retreat.


The main thing that the Lord spoke to my heart was this...

Treat others the way you want to be treated is not always sound advice.

Why is this?  For three reasons. 

First, people may want to be treated differently than how I would want to be treated. Let's face it, when I am going through some negative emotional feeling like anger, being upset, or nervous, the last thing I want is to be with other people. I just plain want to be left alone in my thoughts in silence, and meditate on the situation. I don't want to talk to anyone or be with anybody, Now there is nothing wrong with that per-say, but other people may want someone by their side to comfort and console them. They may want people to come by and be with them. And because I would rather want to be left alone, that is not what others may want. The bad thing is that when people want me to come along side them when they really need me, I'm not there, and it may look like I don't care when in fact I am giving them what I would want in that situation. 

Second, I may need to be treated differently than how I think I need to be treated. Just because I would prefer to be left alone in certain situations doesn't mean that's what I need. My needs are way different than my wants. I may need someone to come beside me and comfort me or give me biblical sound advice. I may need people to pray for me when things are at their worst, put their arm around me and tell me its going to be alright. But what I don't need is to become a hermit away from everyone and sulk in my own thoughts. That's just what I want, and it's not healthy.

Lastly, I am just plain ignorant of the situation at hand. One question from the retreat was easy to answer. "What does Jesus think about you?" Knucklehead was the first word that popped in my head. But in all seriousness, I've never experienced the pain of losing a child, or a parent, getting divorced, or losing everything I own in a house fire. I've never experienced the joy of my wife giving birth, having my son get married or even grandchildren for that matter. Since I've never experienced any of these things, I tend not to empathize with others in those situations. But I have experienced the pain of losing a sibling, getting laid off from work, and trying to have kids and never will. I have felt the pain of having a spouse who rejected Jesus Christ only to experience the joy of having her come to know Him in a real "Paul salvation" kinda way. I have felt the joy of getting married, paying off college debt, and buying a home. I need to empathize with others in their joys and pains. I need to feel emotion when it comes to other people. I need to be there for others even though I don't know what they are going through. I don't do that and I hate myself for it. I know I've offended others when I really didn't mean to, and I really do want to change.

One of our elders at my church can be very emotional when it comes to other people. He can cry at the drop of a hat. I wish I could be like that. It takes alot for me to get excited, happy, or even cry. To be honest I can't remember the last time I cried, and I know that it probably bugs people. I know it bugs my wife. So if you have any suggestions please feel free to pass them along.