After the death of my sister Jenni, in 2007, I haven't been able to cry. I've said in the past that I have shed all my tears that I will ever have left on her. I've tried to cry. I've tried to shed tears multiple times, for many different reasons and occasions. Some of those reasons were completely valid, and rightfully important to show compassion and sympathy for others, especially for people close to me. When it really bothers me is when my wife is hurting, seriously in pain emotionally, and everything in me seems cold, shallow, and disconnected like a robot devoid of emotion and feeling. I often wonder what is wrong with me, and what I have done to get this way; especially when my wife looks at me and says, "I want my husband back," but I feel nothing.
The last time I visited NJ, I went out to eat with my best man when I got married. We sat down at the bar, and after ordering our food he asked me, "Can I ask you something? What makes you happy? What do you enjoy doing?" After five minutes of silence and musing over the thought he said, "That's a problem. I can think of 50 things off the top of my head. What happened to you?" Honestly I don't know. Now, I enjoy things. I enjoy the opera, I enjoy taking a walk in the woods and fried chicken and waffles. Even though fried chicken and waffles is as close to nirvana as a person can get, that blissful type of happy, is missing.
Ephesians 4:19 talks about how the Gentiles are past feeling, among other things. This verse is the only verse where this word is located in the entire bible. It is where we get our modern word, apathy. Strong's Concordance G524 which means, "to cease to feel pain or grief. To become callous, insensible to pain, apathetic." From this verse and the previous verses, we can see that the Gentiles walked in the futility of their mind, their understanding darkened, being ignorant, and alienated from the life of God because of the blindness of their heart. Can you see why I am disturbed about this? This is a problem that must be addressed, and solutions that need to be found.
So I started to think about where else I had seen this problem elsewhere in the New Testament. Then it hit me, the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2:1-7, which is labeled, "The Loveless Church." Both letters - Ephesians and Revelation 2:1-7, were letters written to the church of Ephesus. The Ephesian church was surrounded by pagan idolatry and false teaching. They Jesus knows what they have been doing, and commends them in Revelation that they cannot bear those who are evil, tests false teachers, persevered in patience and have not grown weary. They hated the same evil Jesus hates. But you can imagine, surrounded by all the wickedness of the city, that their hatred for false teaching overpowered their love. They didn't lose what they were fighting for, but for Whom. They labored for Christ's name sake (Revelation 2:3), but were they winning souls, or winning arguments?
I have a heart for people trapped and conned into false teaching. My heart breaks for Mormons (LDS), Jehovah's Witnesses, Catholics, and the endless list of false teaching. I used to be trapped in Catholicism, and have been where they are. It angers me more than anything to see people suffer through cults, to be trapped in false doctrines, led away by broods of vipers. I want nothing more than to give them a one liner or a verse that they would wake up and turn away from the lies. To shoot them with the "silver bullet" as it will, and kill the demons within them. But the thing with the silver bullet is that it ultimately kills the person for whom is tortured, and makes them the innocent victim. It does Christ, and them, no good when they leave their false prophets, but don't run to Christ for fear of turning to another one.
As I witness and share Christ with this lost and dying world, I need His heart. I need to do it for Him. I need to be so filled with the love of God, that it is reflected onto this world I live in. My LORD has this burden too, and feels infinitely more grief for those who reject Him for man-made doctrines and lies. Jesus calls us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:14) and not let our frustrations with false teaching overpower the love of Christ within us. I hope that I have the solution to this problem shortly to share with you, and hopefully I will be able to cry again.
Ephesians 4:19 talks about how the Gentiles are past feeling, among other things. This verse is the only verse where this word is located in the entire bible. It is where we get our modern word, apathy. Strong's Concordance G524 which means, "to cease to feel pain or grief. To become callous, insensible to pain, apathetic." From this verse and the previous verses, we can see that the Gentiles walked in the futility of their mind, their understanding darkened, being ignorant, and alienated from the life of God because of the blindness of their heart. Can you see why I am disturbed about this? This is a problem that must be addressed, and solutions that need to be found.
So I started to think about where else I had seen this problem elsewhere in the New Testament. Then it hit me, the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2:1-7, which is labeled, "The Loveless Church." Both letters - Ephesians and Revelation 2:1-7, were letters written to the church of Ephesus. The Ephesian church was surrounded by pagan idolatry and false teaching. They Jesus knows what they have been doing, and commends them in Revelation that they cannot bear those who are evil, tests false teachers, persevered in patience and have not grown weary. They hated the same evil Jesus hates. But you can imagine, surrounded by all the wickedness of the city, that their hatred for false teaching overpowered their love. They didn't lose what they were fighting for, but for Whom. They labored for Christ's name sake (Revelation 2:3), but were they winning souls, or winning arguments?
I have a heart for people trapped and conned into false teaching. My heart breaks for Mormons (LDS), Jehovah's Witnesses, Catholics, and the endless list of false teaching. I used to be trapped in Catholicism, and have been where they are. It angers me more than anything to see people suffer through cults, to be trapped in false doctrines, led away by broods of vipers. I want nothing more than to give them a one liner or a verse that they would wake up and turn away from the lies. To shoot them with the "silver bullet" as it will, and kill the demons within them. But the thing with the silver bullet is that it ultimately kills the person for whom is tortured, and makes them the innocent victim. It does Christ, and them, no good when they leave their false prophets, but don't run to Christ for fear of turning to another one.
As I witness and share Christ with this lost and dying world, I need His heart. I need to do it for Him. I need to be so filled with the love of God, that it is reflected onto this world I live in. My LORD has this burden too, and feels infinitely more grief for those who reject Him for man-made doctrines and lies. Jesus calls us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:14) and not let our frustrations with false teaching overpower the love of Christ within us. I hope that I have the solution to this problem shortly to share with you, and hopefully I will be able to cry again.
1 comment:
I have had Anxiety Disorder, Personality Disorder, Depression Disorder since leaving the military in 2004. I finally found peace in putting all my fears into His hands. But it is a major practice in this fast dying world. I spend all day sometimes praying to let go of my fears because the Evil One is gaining more ground everyday. So I just remember I have to keep working on overcoming the darkness inside me. I have to read my bible more than I have ever seen preachers read while growing up, because I am sensitive enough to the encroaching darkness because I have been through more pain and evil than most people in the church. It is hard because every few hours or every few days I have something new to make myself scared about. It is like climbing a mountain, the higher you get, the harder it becomes. The only people who care about making themselves happy still think the world has something for them to be happy about. Sadly, those of us who are spiritually minded will become under greater pressure during these birthing pains. While the people of the world fight over the scraps the world has left that are fleeting and meaningless to the ones who realize there's nothing left here to feed the soul.
2 Corinthians 4:6
For God, who said, "Light shall shine out of darkness," is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
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